Episode 8 -Community and Sisterhood With Melissa Mills of Femme Academy
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Community, sisterhood, and connection are so important as a part of one’s identity. Join me as I talk to Melissa Mills of Femme Academy about how to cultivate and curate a community that supports you!
Guest Spotlight
Melissa Mills is the Founder and Master Teacher at the Femme Academy.
She works globally as a mentor and speaker with women who are visionaries, dreamers, leaders, and trailblazers who desire to be heard and seen in a much bigger way to make positive change in the world.
As a visionary leader, her soul’s mission is to disrupt the way women live their lives as they redefine what it means to be a woman by rebirthing into their full Femme potential.
She empowers you to awaken your truth and activate your inner power, so you can boldly embody your purpose to create the life and impact you desire.
What you’ll learn in this episode
Why is a community so important to our identity?
How can we cultivate a community or sisterhood?
How can we get more involved in the communities we’re already a part of?
How can we enrich the relationships we have?
Links mentioned in this episode
Free 30 Days of High Vibe in Your Inbox From Melissa
Rise With Love Podcast - Listen Online
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Transcript
- [Sara] Welcome to Shift your Shit with Sara, the weekly podcast where I'll explore both tried and true as well as new and spiritual ways you can make small changes that will have a big impact on your life. I'm your host, Sara Studerus.
Before we get started today, just a warning that today's episode may include the use of adult language or profanity. Listener discretion is advised.
Welcome to episode eight of Shift your Shit with Sara. Today I'm talking with Melissa Mills, women's empowerment mentor, about the importance of sisterhood and community. Melissa Mills is the Founder and Master Teacher at the Femme Academy. She works globally as a mentor and speaker with women who are visionaries, dreamers, leaders and trailblazers who desire to be heard and seen in a much bigger way to make positive impact and change in the world.
As a visionary leader, her soul's mission is to disrupt the way that women live their lives, as they redefine what it means to be a woman by rebirthing into their full femme potential, she empowers you to awaken to your truth and activate your inner power. So she can boldly empower your purpose to create the life and impact that you desire.
Let's get into our chat with Melissa.
So I know it's definitely important for women to have a community and a sisterhood. And it's maybe not something that we always do or take advantage of. Can you talk maybe a little about how that might help some folks or what the benefits of it are?
- [Melissa] Absolutely, thank you so much for allowing me to share about sisterhood, which is something I'm truly passionate about. And that probably derives from the fact that I was an early child. And growing up I had lots of imaginary friends and I spent a lot of time with adults, and not really people that were around the same age as me and so I kind of always found it so much easier to hang out with dudes and not so much with girls. I always found that our girls were always so catty, and and can I use the word bitchy here?
-[Sara] Oh, yes, absolutely, yes.
-[Melissa] Okay, good. They were always so bitchy and so jealous, and always like backstabbing each other. But what I kind of found as an adult was this real longing for this connection. Because as we look in history, we've always been tribal people, women have always come together and created magic, you know, if we look back at pagan times, and things like that. So there's definitely like a powerful vortex that is created when like minded women get together.
And so, why I'm so passionate about this is I want women to have women in their corner that are actually cheering them on, right?That really want to see them thrive and create their incredible lives. Rather than say that to their face and have a dagger behind their back going, “I'm okay with you having like the same kind of life as me, but not better,” right?
And I'm sure we can all relate that we've all had those groups of women that we thought were our friends. And the next minute, you're like, “Oh, like, what happened? Why are they like ganging up on me? Or why are they no longer contacting me?” And so, sisterhood, I believe, for every woman is absolutely crucial in being able to thrive and create the incredible lives that we want, because of that magnetic energy, but it's about creating the right circle of women around you.
-[Sara] Absolutely, yeah, that's definitely definitely key for sure. Because a lot of the time now when we look around, maybe at people that we haven't consciously selected in our lives, maybe we don't have the best circle of people around us. And, you know, we definitely have to be more conscious about who's there and you know that they are supporting us and that we are supporting them in return for sure. So that's definitely a great point. Yeah.
-[Melissa] And they say, you know, you are the equivalent of the five people you spend most of your time with. And right now we live in a world where a lot of the interactions that we have are virtual, so whether there is a physical friend in your life or a virtual friend in your life and I'm not talking like virtual like in a game, I mean, like that you chat on like Facebook Messenger or things like that, but we are a representation of these women that we spend time with and if we are surrounding ourselves with women that are really catty, or bitchy, or always moaning about that guy that they want to, you know, break up with but darned and you know, it's really dragging on our own energy and it creates like energetic leaks, and it actually prevents us from being able to rise into our full potential. So if you kind of want to do a little bit of a stocktake, and see where your life is going, have a look at who you are spending time with.
And what will happen is hopefully in your life, you'll evolve. And so your circle of friends, your sisterhood will evolve as well. And so that's why, you know, you have maybe that one friend from high school, I'm not sure if you guys call it high school. Yeah, we call it high school, I think you guys might call it college. But, you know, that you're maybe still friends with, but you kind of don't click with the other girls that used to hang out with, because life has happened, and you've gone through your own paths, and you've done your own things. And there's just no point staying friends with, with people, just because you've known each other your whole lives, you know, like, it's just really a disadvantage, to keep people around you that are draining you and that are not really adding any value to your life. So I always say it's more about the quality rather than quantity of the sisters that you have around you.
-[Sara] That's a great point. And so, for people that maybe are thinking, Okay, maybe those five people that I have around me, aren't the five people that I want to have around me to be able to move forward in my life. And, you know, hard as an adult to make new friends. So what suggestions would you have for people that are looking to maybe join a new community, make some new friends, or maybe create their own community on how to go about that as an adult and not feel quite so awkward?
-[Melissa] I love this question so much, because I feel this is why we tend to keep these circles in our lives, because it's like, oh, like, how do I actually make friends? So my first tip would be, be yourself, you being authentic, being in your integrity, being in your sovereignty is so magnetic, and you will attract naturally, the people in your life when you be you. Like, that's super important. I cannot like, just, it's the most important part is keep being yourself, you know, we are told as women that we need to be like this, and we, you know, need to look like that. And this is what how success looks like and blah, blah, blah. And so we've lost touch with who we are.
And so for me, I see my mission as really awakening women back to their truth. And that's what I do as a women's empowerment mentor. And I have what I call the Femme Collective and Femme is because I'm French and so the word women in French is femme. And so these are what I call the new caliber of women, these women are creating a new reality of what it means to be a woman by choosing themselves and living life in that way. And so when we get in this consciousness of really wanting to connect and thrive together, this is what femmes I believe make up. So if you gravitate to that energy, then that's the second step, come and join the femme, energy, right?
But what are you interested in? You know, a lot of women, especially middle aged women, once they kids have grown up, they're like, I don't know, I don't know what I like, like, Who am I have been doing the kids and it's like, my life is just motherhood and it's like, no, it was so much more than motherhood. So what are you interested in? Start with a group of that could be like a hobby, whether it be painting, whether it be dancing, whether it be knitting, a book, club, whatever it might be, and also know that you can kind of leave these groups whenever you want. Like you're not committed, like even if you're like, Oh, I like this vibe, but it's not really quite for me, it's like it's okay. Leave and just know that the universe is bringing you little tasters of what is available for you.
So firstly, be yourself, then, you know, choose an interest that you're what's the word I would use that kind of feels exciting to you? It has to be fun you want to be around women that make you laugh that really bring out the best in you that keeps saying you know, you've got this of course you can achieve it you can you know bungee jump Yeah, you got a girl You know, you want to be around women like this. And I promise you that they exist and that they are around and they're looking for you, your new best friend or circle of women that are going to truly empower you and elevate your life. They're waiting for you. So it's really, I say you just have to put your big girl panties on. And whether it be a virtual group that you join or whether it be a physical group. The best way is to really go and think, what do I like? What do I enjoy doing, because then you'll meet people who are into the same kind of stuff as you.
And that will create new opportunities, whether that be, you might meet your new husband, right, because, you know, this friend from painting class invites you to, you know, dinner or, you know, invites you to a girls night out and you meet the other group of women. And so it's really about putting yourself out there. But being you're also what I would suggest is, have a look at your Facebook and social media accounts that you follow, and maybe start looking at, you know, decluttering, because that also takes up space. And so if you are wanting to attract new into your life, you've got to make room for that, too. So you want to maybe have a look at that list and go, if I was to walk down the street with that person actually say hi to me, because I don't know about you Sara, but I've had friends on there that I'm like, I've walked down the street, and they've gone the other way and not saying hi. And I'm like, but we're Facebook friends. Has that ever happened to you?
-[Sara] Oh, absolutely, absolutely. I, I recall, not that long ago, going into the hospital for a checkup. And a girl came out of the hospital is this at the same time I went in, and we had gone to high school together. And you know, we're still Facebook friends, you know, like each other's posts and things like that. And I said, Hi. And she looked at me like, I don't even know who you are. And I thought, Oh, well, yeah, I guess we haven't really interacted in a long time. And you know, I guess we've definitely grown apart. And so I guess maybe, maybe we're not, you know, the same level of friends that we used to be and you know, like you said, we shift and change in our lives, and the people that surround us should shift and change as well. So that's definitely one of those. Yeah,
-[Melissa] It's kind of like, I'm sure everybody can relate. We've all had that girl that were like, Oh my gosh, and in real life, you're like, wait a minute, we've been interacting and what have you. So definitely do like a friends cull. And I do this really, potentially every six months, I do like an energetic call of Okay, have I actually interacted with this person? Because sometimes you'll, you'll be at like an online event and you like, make friends with everybody or a networking event or something? And you're like, yeah, yeah, let's be friends, let’s be friends. And then you'd never like connect with each other. So if you are looking to welcome new delicious women into your life, do a little bit of a cull.
And then look at the people that you follow and admire and look at whether or not they have like maybe a membership or whether they have like a free group that you can join. Because those are going to be your like minded women. And I know it's a little bit daunting, but look at it as like an exciting thing to do to put yourself out there, introduce yourself and say, Hey, I'm looking to make some new friends. This is where I'm from would love to connect with someone who, if you love cats loves cats, or you know, whatever it might be, or who's really into this book, or, and just truly give yourself permission to own who you are, and bring in these incredible women that are truly going to be your sisters, because we want to make sure we've got women that are Yes, cheering us on, and there for the good times, but we also want to have those real women that are going to support us through when life when life happens, right?
-[Sara] Absolutely. And for people that are maybe feeling like they're complete introverts, or they're a little bit shy, and so they've found those groups that they want to be a part of, and they're kind of sitting there being the lurkers. what suggestions do you have for them for participating to make themselves you know, put themselves out there and be be a part of the group and become a part of become a part of the the community and the sisterhood to let other people know who they are to connect with them?
-[Melissa] Absolutely, I feel like we're all so unique. And there isn't really like a one size fits all of do this do that, you know, you've got to feel what's right for you. And maybe, you know, being on a Facebook group is like oh my gosh, there's like too much right? So you want to be in like a physical group. And I believe that whether you're introvert or extrovert makes absolutely no difference as to the quality of people you get to have in your life. So let's first of all control, alt, delete that statement there, I am introverted and I can't have friends or you know I can't reach out to people it is all a choice. And maybe you might start with like liking a post or you might you know put a little comment and you can look I love sitting back and just I love watching people people watching fascinates me and you know you might go to a certain cafe and you know, every Sunday you go to a cafe and you see the same lady go in this cafe and you know what you might decide that you might hand her the magazine that you're reading and even though that scares the bejesus out of you, you might be like, you know, I see you coming here every Sunday, I thought you might appreciate this magazine and then you might start a conversation or something.
But use your strength as an introvert use the ability to read energy and see who you gravitate to because sometimes extroverted people which is I'm one of those people were like, I want to be friends with everybody come to me come to me come to me come to me and and this is what I mean. But like the networking events, for example, and then you filled with all these people that even though might be on your friends list, and you never interact with them, they still in your vortex in your field absorbing your energy, and they're watching what you're doing and even though they might not be interacting, they're definitely taking or giving energy to you that you might not really want to have right so as someone who's introvert you have that advantage of being able to really look into the energy of people and seeing if they're a fit for you.
And like I said it's really not about quantity I see you know people who have like 1000s of you know friends and I'm like do you really have 1000s of friends with all these people if you were like in an accident or if something happened like would they be the fear so that's what you I feel can kind of use as a gauge as to who you keep around you and you can you know have like acquaintances and and of course your close circles of friends and you can have more than one circle as well depending on your interest and who you are as a person.
-[Sara] Absolutely and and I love that that analogy where you you know you think of who would show up if something were to go wrong or who is there for you when like you said before life happens and you know, not everybody gets the chance to have that actually happened in their life. But three years ago I had the chance for that to happen I spent four and a half months in the hospital and gosh it's a lonely time in there you're in there for that long thank goodness it wasn't like now with COVID where nobody can come and visit you but just to see the people that you know would actually reach out and send me a message on Facebook and say you know like oh I was thinking of you or you know if I posted that I needed something you know the people that I wouldn't have even thought of that would say to me you know do you still need this I can come up to the hospital and bring it to you it was really interesting so you know not everybody actually physically gets that the opportunity for seeing that happen.
So yeah, sometimes we have to think about okay well what if you know when when little life things happen who's there for me and who's not and you know like you said before call out maybe the people that aren't and call in the people that are
-[Melissa] I was gonna say also don't be afraid to be the one that reaches out as well like sometimes we kind of wait on people and it's like reach out it's okay say hey, I always you know sometimes I sit myself like a little challenge of reaching out to 10 people that I haven't connected with in a long time and I'll send them like a little voicey message or but okay just thinking of your what's new in your life would love to hear from your and and see what you know what happens or when people do my Femme Rebirth program, when we do the sisterhood module. This is a really good one we we dive deep into this and they get to connect with incredible like minded women and it's okay to reach out it's okay to you know, be the one that takes the initiative.
But also you know, another great place to make friends is your work I mean if I don't I'm self employed so I kind of forget this point that people actually have jobs and actually interact with people but you know if there's a woman at work that you really connect with you don't you don't have to connect with everybody but you know, there's so many places there's like the gym there's a gazillion places where you can make friends and even though you you could be an introvert or an extrovert. If you feel something that you just know when your people are your people There's just like this, this click this, like, invisible magnetism that you're like, ah, I feel like we've known each other our whole lives. Like, I don't know what it is about you, but I really enjoy being in your space. And, you know when these people are your people, because you you feel this this energy right?
-[Sara] Definitely. And for those that maybe have some of those people in their life that they're like okay well right now they're I would say in like my acquaintance circle but I want to deepen the relationship with them I love the idea of like you said, you know, sending them a little voice message and saying, Hey, I was thinking about you. And just seeing, you know, opening up the dialogue that way, do you have any other suggestions for maybe, you know, deepening those relationships that you are maybe not as strong a relationship as you would like them to be and you know, making that a change to something that is, maybe somebody that's a little bit more prominent in your circle?
- [Melissa] Absolutely, I feel like we have to look at friendships as well, like investments. And what you put in your your, is what you're going to get out. So if you are always the person that is the one doing the reaching out, I would really evaluate that friendship and go, Hmm, I only hear from this person and when I'm reaching out, so making sure that it's like an equal partnership, right. And so when you are looking at starting new friendships, it is going to be a little bit like dating, right? And Bill and figuring it out and what kind of friend they going to be? Are they going to be someone that you just go out on a girls night with? Or are they really that kind of person that you have family gatherings with? Like, it's a bit of a, in the beginning, you're not necessarily going to gonna know and be like, I'm all in. Right? It's like testing the waters and going, Okay, let's just see where this leads. And I know for you know, people, sometimes we like love it for a side and you know, you're going to marry that person or what have you. But friendships get to evolve, and they get to devolve, as well. So that's just taking your time and really having clear boundaries as to what a friend gets to look like for you.
And so sometimes I suggest people create an avatar. And what does your dream friend look like? Feel like? What do they say? Where do they hang out? What kind of friendship do you have? like where do you go together and really create this picture of what kind of woman you're attracting into your life because women we do thrive when we're together. And we have like I said, this really powerful magnetism and there's a magic when we're together and it raises our, our cortisol levels, I'm not quite sure I'm not a sciency person. But when we're together, it does raise things in our body that activates pure joy, pure abundance, pure love pure, just creation with the universe because women we are here to be nurturing, and we are the creators of the earth and things like that. So when we get together, it's this real magic portal.
And so don't, I would say don't place too much like expectation, allow it to unfold. It's like anything in life when we try to control something, it never ends up being the way we wanted it to. So just take it like you would dating like hey, let's go out for a coffee or Hey, now that you're in this book club together, why don't you suggest the book for this month and see what they're like and I feel voice is really important. Like I I'm just one of those people that loves talking. And so I feel that I can really connect with somebody through voice that's why I do little voice memos. But you might be someone who's more like a typing person so just use your strengths. Use your strengths and know that you know life Don't take it personally if someone doesn't like reply straightaway Don't be one of those people that's like I messaged you like five minutes ago and you still haven't replied right because it doesn't happen. And so just just roll with it roll with it and enjoy what enjoyed the connections. You know, there is the saying a season and I've lost what the saying is but you know, this season or a reason a season or a lifetime, right?
-[Sara] Absolutely I love that. And if people wanted to know more about your podcast or about your Femme Rebirth program, what's the best way for people to find you?
-[Melissa] So I am in New Zealand, so you can find me, as on Instagram is a really good place. I love Instagram. So I'm @melissamillsnz on Instagram. Also, I have my website, which is melissa-mills.com. And if you are someone that's really looking at being part of an incredible group of women, I definitely I have the Femme Rebirth program, I have the femme squad, which is a really cool place to hang out, which is my membership group. Or I do also have my free group, which is Femme Rising, and you can find that, of course on Facebook.
So I really do invite you to be in some of these spaces so that you can meet women who truly want to grow and thrive with you. Because that's been a huge, huge, huge, huge part of the success and the incredible life that I've created is bringing in women who truly get me who really get who I am, and I hear in my life for for me and not what they can gain or who I might be able to connect them with or any of that kind of stuff. We, you know, especially if you're like a mom of boys, you know, I have a lot of clients here, they're there. This is just boys, it's like they're bringing in that feminine energy is really important as a woman to just ignite your own beauty, your own sensuality, your own desires, and your impact and everything that you're here to create. So I do also have a podcast called Rise with Love, you can find that and I'd love to. I'd love to invite you in into this incredible vortex.
-[Sara] That's absolutely amazing. Thank you so much for coming on and talking to us today. And also thank you so much for creating those spaces where you know, women are there to support each other and to to thrive together. Because it's so important.
- [Melissa] Yeah, absolutely. And we're all in this together. Right? Absolutely. Thank you so much for having me, Sara. Thank you to everyone listening.
- [Sara] Thank you so much for joining us today on this episode of Shift Your Shit With Sara. Everything we talked about today will be linked in the show notes at shiftyourshitwithsara.com/8, that's the number eight. Thank you again for joining us and I'll see you next time.
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